Hi

I'm writing this kasi kung hindi ko to masabi kahit kanino baka mabaliw na ako kakaisip. I don't even know kung ano purpose nito, basta gusto ko lang 'to sabihin sayo. Sorry, alam ko may girlfriend ka na at di ko na dapat ginawa to pero di talaga maalis sa isip ko. Wala akong ibang makausap dahil dito. Coz if i did, i'd choke and die of all the things I said in the past.

Una, sorry. Sorry kasi all you did was love me at binaliwala ko yun. Di ako nakuntento. Sorry kasi all I did was hurt you. You didn't deserve any of that. Lagi kitang pinapahirapan dati, di tama yun. Worse, nagkagusto ako sa kaibigan mo. Naghahanap ako lagi ng reason para lumayo sayo. I was in denial the whole time.

Second, never naman ako nagalit sayo, sa relationship niyo. Naiintindihan ko. Ayoko lang yung fact na magkaibigan tayo, ayos naman lahat (as far as I know) then biglang sasabihan mo ko na ayaw ng girlfriend mong kausapin kita. Bakit? Okay naman tayo after grad, ano nangyari? Pati yung nakwento sakin ni Aldwin na di kita kinakausap dahil sabi mo galit ako sainyo kasi gusto kita. That wasn't the case. You told me not to talk to you, so yun ginawa ko. I never got to say my side of the story.

Honestly, last year nakita ko posts sa group niyo. Yung tungkol sakin, kanta nila JR at Marc pati screenshot nung tweet ko. Bakit nandun ako hahaha curious lang. Kasi ang tagal na, pero bakit involved parin ako kahit 3 years na halos tayo di naguusap (2 years at that time)? Yun din yung mga panahon na inaya mo ako magcarpool pero di ako pumayag kasi nahihiya ako. I don't know why. Pero buti na lang di ako sumama sa inyo kasi nalate ako ng gising that day hahaha.

Nung seniors night, nasa Paseo, tinanong mo ako na kung naging close muna tayo, ok kaya? I wanted to say yes, pero may iba ka na nun. Ang bastos naman kung sinabi ko yes after mong iconfess sa kanya feelings mo diba? Parang ayaw kitang maging masaya kung ganon nangyari.

Sa school, gusto ko kayo batiin tuwing nagkakasalubong tayo. Pero mas naiisip ko kasi na hindi mo ako babatiin pabalik, kaya wag na lang.

Ang tagal na, pero iniisip ko parin, pano kung naging tayo? Hanggang ngayon kaya tayo parin? Kung dati lagi kita inaaway, kung naging tayo ganun parin kaya? Magkasama kaya tayo palagi sa school tuwing vacant natin? Sabay kaya tayo lagi pauwi at papasok?

Sobrang namimiss na kita. Pero di ko na deserve na maging kaibigan ka pa pagkatapos ng lahat ng nagawa ko sayo. I don't deserve to be a person in your life. So ayun, nakakarma na ako ever since. I miss you as a friend, my go-to person. I just miss you in general.

Sorry if it took this long for me to finally have the guts to say all this. I guess magaling lang talaga ako magtagong feelings. Sanay na kasi.


I don't even know kung makakarating to sayo. Pero the day I send you this will officially be the day na nabaliw na ako ng tuluyan at nawala sa sarili.

The Words I Wish I Said

I would be lying if I told you I never imagined us together in the future. Of course I have, doesn't everybody do that? There were times when I thought we were meant to be. You made me happy with the simple gestures you did. You'd always text me non-stop, chat with me when I was out of prepaid load. When we'd stay out late to do our group projects, you'd always send me home afterwards. One time,  when we stayed out 'till dawn with a couple of friends you still volunteered to escort me home even if it was not on your way home.

But then came the time when, out of nowhere, I'd feel so annoyed with you and just not respond to your messages and efforts to talk to me. I'd always be the one acting weird. I'd act cold when I got tired of your attention and that could go on for days even weeks or months, I couldn't keep count of it all. That happened multiple times. I'm sorry. And whenever you'd get tired of me, I'd always stop and tell you I still want what we have. But, it kept happening. I decide we were better off as friends, but I missed the attention you gave me. I kept giving you false hope about us. Again, I'm sorry.

Now that I think of it, I could've tried harder if only I knew what it was like to be in a real relationship. But the thing was, I still don't know how. You always gave me your 100% effort while I only gave you 40% of mine. You didn't deserve that. I was so unfair. I knew you loved me more than I could ever love you back. I remember that drunk text, I used to laugh about that. But now that I think of it, even when you were drunk and out of your proper wits, I was the one you could think of. You were busy mending the heart I broke while I was just enjoying my life with the girls.

No matter how many times I broke your heart, you were always there for me. You were willing to listen to me and my whining when no one was. Thank you so much for that, you're the best guy friend any girl would've asked for. You even consoled me when the guy I liked back then left me hanging. I can't imagine how hurt you were at that time. Were you? You were so strong while I was just trying to live with what life offers me. The only time I was brave enough was when I told your friend I loved him. That didn't even pay off right, it was wrong and embarrassing. I wanted you to hate me because I know I deserve it for treating you like shit. But you didn't, you told me you could never hate the person you loved. You were such a good person, you deserved someone better than me. I was unfair. I'm sorry.

When I knew you liked my friend, I was happy for you. That same night, you told me you wanted to walk with me while holding my hand after you confessed to her, I refused because I respected her. I just tried being a good friend because I knew we were so over and you deserved to be loved back by someone that was not me. But then it affected our close friendship. I still couldn't understand how we started as very close friends to eventually become strangers. I missed our friendship. You were the only person I could seriously talk to about my problems, now you're out of my life. I know we ended senior year in good terms, what happened?

Then came the time when she stopped you from communicating with me. I greeted you one morning in school and you greeted me back by telling me you unfriended me on Facebook because she wanted you to stop talking to me in any form of conversation. The whole time we talked I was smiling. Until later on, I realized you just removed me from your life, permanently. I hated you both. I hated her more. But I still respected your relationship by not talking to you because that was what you wanted and I was just giving you what you asked for. Then came the rumors when you told your friends that I was mad at you and didn't talk to you because I was jealous of your relationship. I wasn't. I hated you even more. Maybe you told all your friends that I was jealous and they believed you. I wasn't even able to speak up about my side. Why didn't you tell them that it was her who stopped you from talking to me? I was always the bad guy in your relationship even when I did nothing and kept my distance. Even when I wanted to lash out and fight you so bad, I stayed silent because I was trying to be the mature one. 

Honestly, there are times when I miss you but only as a friend. I miss our friendship so much. But from the way you treated me after senior year, all I could feel is hate. How can someone I know so well turn into someone like the person you are now? There's only one thing I ask from you, I don't want to be involved in your relationship issues anymore. I'm so tired of you two always dragging me into something I don't know a thing about. I no longer talk to you but I was still the bad guy. Just let me be invisible.

Free trip to Korea!

http://www.mustseeroutes.or.kr/en/event

대한민국

K-Pop has been a trend for quite a while now. I mean, everyone knows that! Unless you've been living in  rabbit whole, that is.

Anyone would know a K-Pop music video the second they lay their eyes on them. Colorful sets. Unique clothes and accessories. Notable hairstyles. Eccentric choreography. Lastly, their MVs are of high quality. I mean, if you compare them to MVs of artists from my country.

I've been a fan since April of 2010. So yeah, it's been 4 years since I entered myself into something you can't turn your back from. I don't really know if I've been in the craze for a long time. But trust me, K-Pop was only starting to make a name for them around that time. It wasn't mainstream back then. When I started, there were only a handful of people from school who were also fans. But now... K-Pop fangirls everywhere. And by everywhere, I literally mean everywhere! It's a good thing that hallyu stars succeeded in making themselves renowned. But, honestly, it's starting to annoy me big time, I meant the fans. A lot of fans are very annoying these days, not to mention the people who've only got themselves in it for only a short time, like less than a year or so? If there would be a few words I could describe most of them, it would be immature? I don't know, maybe they're generally just very very annoying. I'm saying these words and I can't even pinpoint the things they do that annoy me.

"You don't need to have a reason to like someone. 

All you need is to know within yourself that your feelings are true."

~

Reply 1994

"If you hear it, reply to my 90s."

First of all, I originally didn't have any plan on watching it because the cast was different from Reply 1997. But I guess it was still worth a shot because Reply 1997 was different from other Korean dramas. One reason I watched this was because of my undying feels for Reply 1997. Another is Baro. Yeah! Fangirl over here. 

I spent four days of my summer vacation watching this and it was worth it! I think it's a more mature version of Reply 1997. Both plots are awesome! How they were able to put in bits of Reply 1997 was pure genius. I enjoyed every second of watching it. But, somehow, I was expecting a different ending. Who's with me on that?

I thought Binggrae was gay. Seriously. He usually hanged out with Trash. Often, it would be only the two of them unless they were drinking in the boarding house. I thought it was just because they were both in Med School. You know, Med School students thing. But the way he looked at Trash (or at least how the camera captured it), I just knew he was feeling something different for him. When Trash kissed him during that drinking game, he reacted as if it changed his life forever! Trash even had that special nickname for him, Puppy. There was also a scene from 2013 when they were sitting on the sofa and it freaking looked like they were holding hands! I actually rewinded that scene over and over again!

But they weren't holding hands after all. It was just Binggrae clasping his hands together in a good place where they could fool the viewers. Lastly, because Joon Hee from Reply 1997 was gay. I thought they married each other in the end.

I thought Haitai and Na Jung would date because of this scene. 

It was around this part of the story when they spent time together. They would even drink, just the two of them. During this part, I thought Haitai would come to his senses about moving on from Ae Jung and settling his feelings for Na Jung. I thought they were going to end up kissing. But they didn't. Why? Because first love never dies. I also have that thing for Haitai. I think he's handsome. 

As for Sam Cheon Po and Yoon Jin, I was surprised when they kissed on that boat during sunrise. I thought they would be a couple sooner. Still, I think he's the perfect guy for Yoon Jin. Who would be kind enough to spend the whole night and break into oppa's old house just to steal get a relic thing that oppa has used, right? One hundred points for Sam Cheon Po on that!

Chil Bong. Holy shit Chil Bong! He's another character I have fallen in love with! Another person whom I'll never meet in real life. He's tall and athletic. Cute and handsome at the same time. What else is there to not like about him? Oh right... He's kind of a dumbass. But he's kind, caring and all! He's also the best pitcher in Korea. So I guess he's still 99% one of the best catches any girl could ever have.

Since Chil Bong came into the picture, I was already rooting for him. Similar to when he said the first time he met Na Jung, he fell in love at first sight. He had that simple charm that could just magnet anyone who kept their attention to his character. I kept praying he was the one Na Jung marries. I literally kept my hopes up until episode 20.

This is probably my most favorite part of the series. When he had only a day off, he went all the way to Sam Cheon Po just so he could spend time with her. He endured 12 hours of travel back and forth for only 3 hours of time with Na Jung. Even if it was mostly just watching her sleep. I could have died from all the feels I had when he told her that! I thought he went there just because he was invited and wanted to experience the countryside. The few sweet words he said. If I were Na Jung, I would've cried right at the moment. Plus, the kiss! I didn't expect that at all!

But he also broke my heart into tiny bits. I mean, not him but the situation he was in. He let himself fall in love with Na Jung even if he knew she liked Trash. He always appeared as if he was okay, hen he was not. I just pity him so much I cried the Han River. Especially at this scene below. He was willing to wait for Na Jung even if it would be years just to get to date her. I wish someone loved me like that. *cries*

He waited for 6 years until he was on the perfect timing. He was on vacation, Na Jung finished her 2-year contract in Australia and she and Trash have broken up. I actually thought Na Jung would finally see what was right in front of her, the perfect guy. I hoped Na Jung and Trash would eventually realize that the love they had for each other was only sibling love since they grew up together and stuff. But they didn't. They fucking didn't! I have nothing against Trash. Really. I think he's kind, funny and cute at times, but still Chil Bong a better man than he was (for me).

Also, on the wedding footages from 2002 (the one Yoon Jin shot) the groom was taller, his hair was a little longer and had whiter skin than Trash had. *ehem* definitely Chil Bong. So on the 21st episode, the night before Chil Bong was going back to the US, I thought Na Jung was going to say, "it was you all along." And also tell him that she'd be the one to wait for him this time around. But it was followed by probably the most heartbreaking scene of all. Chil Bong was all alone consoling his already broken heart and crying after all the years he waited for Na Jung. He just let her go. Again... *cries the Han River*

When Na Jung fucking called Trash, Jae Joon. I literally wanted to punch the TV right at that moment. All my feels, shattered in a second. I wanted to cry for Chil Bong. I wanted to cry for shipping Chil Bong and Na Jung. They will forever be my ship that never sailed. I wanted to just stop watching the second Trash opened the door and met up with Na Jung in the on-call room (is that right?).

Lastly, who freaked out when Sung Jae appeared? Because I did. I didn't know he was in it so I was shocked! I wish he had more scenes.

None of the pictures are mine.

Credits to the rightful owners of the pictures.

Summer Break! \(^O^)/

So... my summer break just started and it won't last long. ㅠㅠ Our 4th semester starts April 21. Yep! It's the middle of summer here and we've got classes. Also, I've already wasted my two days of vacation coz I got sick and I still am. I have severe sore throat. I tell you SEVERE. Three words, chocolate chip cookies. I ate so much and forgot to drink water before I went to sleep and the next day I woke up, I couldn't even swallow my own saliva! Talking was hard and eating, too! I also had fever because of it. Ugh. The sad life of someone who loves chocolate. Two days without chocolate and still counting.

Speaking of summer, I have lots of plans, of course! let me list them down.

1. TFIOS painting. I've done this already.
2. Get rid of my paint scattered outside since my painting class is over (huhu). DONE!
3. Reorganize my room.
4. Throw away the plates that won't be important anymore (aka my ugly drawings and paintings hahaha)
5. RE-PAINT MY ROOM WALLS.
6. Put up some posters.
7. Finish that fanfic.
8. Do that painting for my sisters birthday present.
9. (Probably) Make a shelf somewhere on my wall.

Yeah. These are the one's on the top of my list. And I'll probably not be able to do all of them. Ha! Wanna know why?

• I have so much stuff.
• The room I share with my sister is too small for our things.
• Paint costs money.
• I am to cheap to buy my own paint even if I have enough money.
• My money is only for food and concerts. *flies away*
• The internet is a wonderful place.
• I lack inspiration.
• I LOVE PROCRASTINATING.

I wish our rooms would be back to the way it was before. When I had a room for my own. Alone. So I can do introvert stuff on my own. That's just how I am. *smiles* Actually at first, I thought sharing a room would be great. I was wrong. My sister nags too much about how messy my things get. And I'd be like, "if you think it's so messy, why don't you just fix them yourself." Ugh! It's just so annoying since I make sure that my trash don't get on her side of the room (at least). 

Also, people around me have been planning swimming parties. PARTIES. They're people from school, in Manila. So a lot of them live near and it that area. Wanna know where they're planning on swimming? Laguna, where I live. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE SWIMMING! I really do. Once I enter the pool, there's no going out unless it's for food. But, I've gotten used to swimming here. Every year, we (my family and other relatives) have this specific private pool which we rent every summer. (i can't find a good photo to show you tho) PLUS, the waters in swimming pools here are usually hot since it comes from Mt. Makiling.

Anywayyyy, that fanfic I was planning on finishing at the end of January? (from my previous post) Yeah well I haven't finished it. Yay. Inspiration why have you forsaken me? You know that feeling when a-good-scenario-comes-into-your-head-that-should-come-around-the-end-but-your-too-lazy-to-write-it-coz-you're-still-around-the-middle. Happens all the time! True story. Now I question myself, "If I wanted to be writer/author, why am I so lazy?" Hahaha! I'm not too sure myself. All I know is I like to write.

Lastly, since my summer days are kind of limited, I wan't to spent most of it with my high school buddies. Yeah well we haven't been together (as a whole) for a while now. I miss them! *insert chee
sy smile* If ever you idiots happen to see this, you owe me ice cream next time we meet for having discovered this shitty blog. Hahahaha!

P.S. I'm still paranoid about my grades last 3 semester. They'll be shown on either this coming Saturday or Sunday. I don't feel too good about two courses. ㅠㅠ Wish me luck!